It’s not every day that Mother Nature and Marlon Brando have a lovechild, but if they did, it would be The Brando – a trailblazing, top-of-the-tree, luxury eco-resort set in a ‘did-I-just-dream-this?’ paradise, where sea turtles outnumber guests and the sand is so white it practically glows under moonlight. Not that we’re ones to indulge in island gossip… but this is far too good not to share.
Arriving at The Brando felt a bit like stumbling into the third act of a James Bond film – without the peril, of course, and with a less foreboding soundtrack, replaced instead by a sultry ukulele-strummed himene and a handsome, scantily dressed Tahitian male model with a six-pack, handing you a ylang-ylang-scented cold towel.
A private Air Tetiaroa plane hummed us over from Tahiti, gliding above a necklace of coral islets and atolls adrift in the turquoise South Pacific Ocean, before gently depositing us onto the pristine, solar-panel-lined runway. It’s a journey and view so staggeringly beautiful that even the puffy white clouds seemed to take our cue, lingering a little longer than usual, as if to admire the raw, azure splendour below.
And what awaited us on Tetiaroa was not so much a resort but a manifesto of castaway luxury – everything you’d expect from “a place far away from any other place”: barefoot escapism, exclusive thatched-roofed private hideaways and a string of infinity pools.
Frankly, they had us long before we’d arrived. The Brando’s reputation as a luxury escape is practically legendary, especially among the A-list and jet set, who seem to have an unspoken pact with the island’s magic. With its secluded atoll setting, the kind of privacy that makes you feel like you’ve been handed the keys to your own personal paradise, and a history steeped in Marlon Brando’s larger-than-life persona, it’s the perfect retreat for those who feel they need to escape the prying eyes of others – while still ensuring their Instagram followers know exactly where they are!
The villas – 35 of them, each more smugly secluded and tucked away in nature than the last – are eco-conscious beach houses, looking out over a dreamscape of pearlescent sand and a Rothko-like horizon of blues that seem to breathe, merge and dissolve into one another. As we stood on our terrace, right by our plunge pool, we drank in the powerful view, which had a meditative effect that was both calming and stirring. They are built only on one side of the island, set back from the ocean… to maximise the south-facing aspect, of course, but also to harmonise the human footprint relative to the rest of the atoll. From the air, Tetiaroa seems almost untouched.
Inside, the villa is expansive (especially the sun-drenched bathroom), offering space to stretch out and unwind, with a fusion of modern and driftwood décor, cool dark wooden floors, woven textures, breezy linens and just the right amount of Polynesian art to remind us of where we were without going full tiki bar. Treats were laid out daily, offering a quiet nod toward indulgence, like a subtle wink from the island itself, inviting us to sink into hedonism without making a scene. Chocolates, fruit baskets and little artisanal treasures appeared as if by magic, always fresh and never too much – a perfect balance, like that moment when you decide a fourth gin and tonic is a necessary part of the evening, and yet somehow not entirely excessive.
But while there’s so much space in our villa, it is the outside that is glorious: vast, leafy, wild and somewhat untamed, invoking a feeling that we’d somehow found our own patch of unpopulated earth. We walked the beach at sunrise one morning for what seemed like forever and didn’t see a soul. Well, at least not a human one – plenty of inquisitive crabs and one very territorial tern did their best to ensure we didn’t feel completely alone. Swinging in our hammock for a post-mai-tai-fuelled lunch slumber, we were undisturbed until sunset, especially not by mosquitoes, as The Brando has implemented some terrific whizz-kid technology to keep it 99% mosquito-free.
And then there’s the spa – Varua Te Ora – which sounds like a Polynesian lullaby and sort of feels like one too. Set in the treetops, it offers treatments drawn from traditional Taurumi healing techniques and modern wellness, incorporating nature and ancient Polynesian music rituals. As guests-in-residence – and as part of the ‘all-inclusive’ nature of the resort – we could opt for a 50-minute treatment every day. We had something unpronounceable done to our backs involving shells, scented oils and the quiet confidence of our highly skilled therapist. What it was exactly, we still aren’t sure, but it felt really good.
The Brando also invites its guests to experience Polynesian life – not just in the ‘fire dance and floral shirts’ sense – which was entertaining, thankfully for only one night at dinner – but in a thoughtful, generous way. We attempted the ‘Ori Tahiti dance, which involved more hip action than our dignities were prepared for, and plucked away at a ukulele with a rendition of “You Are My Sunshine” until even the geckos fled. But something is endearing about learning these traditions from people who are proud of their culture and seem genuinely happy to share it with us with big smiles, if not with earplugs. From cooking classes to how to select the best Tahitian pearls… there was always something to learn about local culture here, which we just revelled in.
Now, let’s talk food and drink, because, for all its lofty values, we still needed to eat and imbibe, and preferably well. The Brando boasts a roster of menus and dining/drinking spaces designed by a world-class chef (Jean Imbert, for the name-droppers among you), and while the options on offer were confident, they often lacked the excellence we were hoping for.
| Perfect for | Fly into | Right on time |
| The Escapist | PPT | GMT -10 |
| While you’re Out There |
| Don’t miss the whale watching! Set against the backdrop of the turquoise expanse of the Pacific, the waters surrounding Tetiaroa become a sanctuary for humpback whales migrating through the region. As we glided across the calm seas in a boat, without warning, a massive tail fin sliced through the surface of the ocean, followed by the majestic breach of a whale (or better still, a pod). The sight of them stayed with us long after we returned to shore, a reminder of the sheer scale of nature’s wonders. |
Perhaps it’s a symptom of trying to do too much with too little, but oftentimes, dinner at the Beachcomber Café felt far too heavy. One evening, we had a meal of roast suckling pig, yams, and cassava, cooked in a traditional Tahitian oven. While the ceremony of opening the underground oven to retrieve the food was stirring and heartwarming, what was inside did the same, but not in a good way.
And there’s the service: the French staff on duty each night exuded a strange air of aloofness. The same could be said about the bartenders at Te Manu Bar (where the star-gazing pods were utterly romantic). On one particularly enchanting evening, the staff seemed to have forgotten we were out there, packed up, and went to bed at 10.30pm.
In contrast, breakfast was the complete opposite… light, breezy, well-cooked and friendly, thanks to the mostly Tahitian staff on duty.
Our favourite meal though, was at Nami Teppanyaki (which needs pre-booking because it has limited ‘ringside’ seats). While yummy, it still lacked the conviviality and theatre that Teppanyaki dining is all about.
Bob’s Bar – inspired by Marlon’s favourite pastime: drinks on the beach – offered a fabulous beachside ambience. Its fresh coconuts harvested from the island were thirst-quenching, and the cocktails potent. Hence, we had high hopes for its themed food menu items, like the ‘Marlon Burger’, but that too failed to win any Oscars.
For an added premium (which we find lacks generosity, considering the already high price tag), we dined at the fine-dining establishment Les Mutinés. It offers an environment inspired by the legendary maritime adventure Mutiny on the Bounty and a tasting menu that provides guests with a cinematic journey that mirrors the ship’s famed travels. It was all a bit Disneyland, especially dining under an imposing crystal chandelier of HMS Bounty herself. We left feeling that we should have opted for another meal at Nami instead.
Of course, no place is perfect. There will always be occasional service hiccups, though perhaps they feel more noticeable at the Brando because of our expectations and the bar in luxury travel being set so ludicrously high these days.
In our humble opinion, The Brando, for all its sublime beauty and eco-conscious innovation, does have a tendency to lean a little too heavily on the Marlon Brando name. At times, it felt as if the island’s serene beaches and stunning villas were overshadowed by the spectre of the man himself. While it’s undoubtedly part of the island’s history, the Marlon Brando references can feel a touch too thematic at times – especially now, ten years on and long after his passing.
However, if there’s one thing that truly sets The Brando apart and one Marlon Brando trait that should be highlighted, it’s its sustainability. We learnt all about it on a Green Tour that walked us through the island’s remarkable regenerative tourism achievements. Deep-sea water is pumped up from 900 metres/ 3,000 feet below to cool the villas (SWAC: Sea Water Air Conditioning), a concept originally dreamed up by Marlon himself. The island mostly runs on solar power and coconut oil when possible, and not just for show: there was a tangible sense that the place is a living experiment in guilt-free luxury. We mentioned mosquitoes before – they’ve tackled them with science – sterile males released to mate with females, significantly reducing the population.
The island, The Brando, and the projects it supports have brains. Literal ones. Scientists from around the world live and work here through the Tetiaroa Society, a not-for-profit founded with Brando’s blessing. They monitor bird populations, restore native trees and use AI to identify new species, including a bird they’ve heard, but never seen. It’s not often that holiday funds go towards actual earth research we can see happening for ourselves, but here it did, and we found ourselves rather engaged and feeling strangely proud of it.
There’s a deep romance in the geography, too. We boated over to the Queen’s Bath (after whale-watching) one day – a jewel of a freshwater pool surrounded by whispering pandanus trees. We swam in water so clear it might as well have been champagne and snorkelled over vivid coral gardens. We took a naturalist-led trip to explore the surrounding atolls, where coconut crabs scuttle like grumpy pensioners, birds sing in a deafening chorus, and the ocean murmurs secrets only locals understand.
Richard Bailey, the resort’s quietly charismatic head honcho, is already dreaming up future innovations: electric guest planes, submersibles to explore the mysterious mesopelagic zone (don’t worry, we had to Google it too), and new ways to fold science seamlessly into the luxury experience. If anyone can pull it off, it’s the man who made “luxury powered by coconuts” not just a concept but a desirable one.
So yes, people come to The Brando for escapism, palm trees, Marlon Brando moments, and A-list glamour, and that’s exactly what you’ll see on social media and the glossy pages of magazines. But for us, our stay here was marked – mentally and emotionally – by something far deeper.
The island itself is the star, not the ghost of a Hollywood icon. Those who can join the dots, however, will see that it is The Brando’s sustainable ethos that is truly alluring. There’s a real sense that this island, in all its glory, might just be the model for how luxury tourism can help, rather than harm, the planet. And that’s the real magic here. Not just the beaches or the spa (certainly not the food), but the vision. In our humble opinion, The Brando could stand to relinquish its ties to Hollywood nostalgia a little more and embrace its own identity, one that’s firmly rooted in real, living conservation efforts. Putting the nostalgia aside, what matters more to us is how this paradise is stewarded now, with respect for its environment, its culture and the promise that the future of hospitality will be built on forward-thinking principles.
In a world where the oceans are in peril and conservation sometimes feels like an afterthought at most luxury destinations, The Brando’s quiet revolution feels like something worth celebrating.
Photography courtesy of The Brando
